Walking into our daughter's beautiful home yesterday was such a comforting feeling. It's so familiar and that has to be a huge plus in this recovery road to independence. I'm the one who set up her kitchen when she moved, so I know where everything is. I messed up though. From 3-8, I was under constant stimulation (my own fault not understanding my limits) and a severe headache came on and all my functions slowed down. The killer was me trying to tell my husband which clothes to bring me. Naming location, color, designer, etc. taxed my brain way beyond it's limits right now. Betty Ashton and my girlfriend got me into bed.
This morning with "my girls" beside me I got up I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. The left leg was so slow. Afterwards I just stood and looked in the mirror. Finally, I looked at her with tears pouring down my face and said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do next." We both hugged and cried and she said what she has said over and over to me..."It's going to be alright." I realized at the rehab there is an erasable board right in front of the bed that tells you hour by hour what your day looks like. I'd become so reliant on that.
The grandson's preschool has graciously offered to allow them to come an extra day for awhile until we figure out the new normal around here. They are all out the door and my sweet SC friend is flying home.
In the quiet of this moment I decided to read a devotional. God sent a message to me via Liz Curtis Higgs email this morning entitled "To Tell the Truth." Her first quote is
"It takes a woman of courage
to show the world her flaws and failures."
Amen to that.
Higgs writes: "Dishonesty isn't an option for believers. Honesty is how we do life and how we grow: Speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15
Being transparent is important for me right now, as physically I look pretty normal to others, but my body and mind are in slow mode.
Higgs' references how the Queen of Sheba humbles herself before Solomon and admits how he has fully impressed her. That's how we should feel about Jesus. Totally impressed by how God has outlined EVERY step of this journey. This has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I wish I could accurately express how close Jesus is to me right now. Anything I ask is answered, even unknown needs are provided the second the need erupts. Example. Yesterday, I said to my girlfriend, help me remember to ask the doctor if my knee pain from arthritis returns; Can I take an Aleve?" That moment the doctor walked in the door. I bet things like that happened 20 times yesterday. You just want to go
"WHOA, Jesus, could you be any closer!"
"He must increase: I must decrease."
As I think back to the hospital and rehab I saw Jesus in all those doctors, nurses and therapist. I know being in the medical field is taxing this days. They have their medical training, but they also have to be computer whizzes and engineers. I watched one nurse at 3AM use a pen to repair my "box" (can't think of the word..like telemetry or something) that records my heart. Another tech repairing wheelchairs and on and on. If you see a nurse, doctor or therapist today thank them for the sacrifices they make and they way they cheer others on even when their worlds may be falling apart.
Love you all, Boo