Make Me Laugh
Country humorist Minnie Pearl declared that she did not want any pallbearers at her funeral. When asked why, she replied:
“If they didn’t take me out while I was alive, they’re not gonna take me our when I’m dead.”
*****
A man asked his pastor to pray for his hearing.
“Are you having trouble with your hearing?” shouted the pastor.
“Yes. Would you pray for my hearing?”
So the pastor put his arm over the man’s shoulder and prayed eloquently for the man’s hearing. Finishing his prayers the pastor asked him loudly, “How’s your hearing now?”
“I don’t know,” the man replied. “It’s not until next week,”
*******
A little girl dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could trying not to be laet for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late."
While she was running and praying she tripped on the curb and fell, getting hr clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.As she ran, she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...but please don't shove me either!"
A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a babysitter."
A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face...
Proverbs 15:13
I was so tempted to do the same, but chickened out! Boo
God is Watching
Anonymous
Up at the head table in the cafeteria, one of the nuns had placed a big bowl of bright-red, fresh, juicy apples. Beside the bowl she placed a note that read, "Take only one. Remember, God is watching."
At the other end of the table was a bowl full of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven. Beside the bowl there was a little note, scrawled in a child's handwriting, which read
"Take all you want. God's watching the apples."
The Offering
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider putting a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick our three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
Rosie, from all the way in the back, shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanksgiving he asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building, and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
"Laughter is how we take a much needed break from heartache." Liz Curtis Higgs
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:12
The Ultimate Sacrifice
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Alex staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church foyer. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on both sides. the seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning, Pastor, " replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what it this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service, " Soberly, Alex and the pastor stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex's voice was barely audible as he turned to the pastor and asked, "Which one-the 9:00 or the 10:30 service?"
