Loving Over and Over Again

Loving for the Long Haul

February 13th

What God gives us in the context of the word love

is a list of things to continue doing over a long, long period of time.

Edith Schaeffer

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. This is the unending life, the real life!

Jude 1:20-21

In the book Passages of Marriage the term "transcendent love" is defined as - "a profound and peaceful perspective toward your partner and toward life." Hmm, how many years does it take for that to occur?

For the marrieds out there:

If you made a pie graph and entered in the amount of time you spend at work, at home care/shopping, etc, at exercise, at spiritual endeavors, caring for others than your spouse and the amount of time you romance your spouse, what does it look like?

Marriages need to be fertilized and watered. Do you know what makes your spouse bloom?

I emailed a group of couples who have been married for different lengths of time and asked them what some of the simple sacrifices/acts of love were that they made for one another.

It was so much fun to hear about the acts of endearment that many of my friends and their husbands offer one another. It was interesting that the majority of the couples married less than 20 years did not respond. Maybe we are so busy, when our marriages are younger, that we don’t take the time to appreciate the one we have. Then as we get older and see so much heartache we are thankful for the simplest of things, like a spouse coming home at the end of the day. We also reach a point where we can look at little annoyances as clothes on the floor, the ring from a glass has made on a table, spills left on the counter and realize if that person was gone we would give anything to have those annoyances back.

Here are some of the examples of how simple sacrifices can mean so much to another.

First, I have listed the number of years they have been married. Then W if it is an act of the wife. H if it performed by the husband.

1 Year

W-I clean the house because I recognize how much my husband appreciates this.

H- My wife appreciates words of affirmation so I compliment her about her character. We have been doing the study on love languages and have found it to be very helpful.

4 Years W-I take our son to visit him at work. H- I scratch her back almost every night.

4 Years W-I watch the kids, so he can go hunting on weekends, and do this without nagging! H-Goes out and turns car on to warm it up for her in cold weather.

13 Years H-If there are dishes in sink I wash them, when she cooks. I like cleaning up or giving the kids their baths, while she cleans. I know this is not good for us to do, but she watches Young and the Restless every night and watch with her. Just because I love her.

24 Years W-I clean his car inside and out for his birthday. He hates cleaning his car.

26 Years W- I listen to the music that he likes (& I hate) without ever telling him or complaining and travel with him to football games that I have no interest in.

H-I make her coffee every morning and bring it to her before she gets out of bed.

31 Years W-My husband travels a lot. He decides what he wants to take and I pack his suitcase for him, wrapping his clothes in plastic so they won’t wrinkle.

H- I rub her legs, which she says feels so gooooood!

31 Years W- I bake him sour dough bread every week

H- I bring her coffee on Saturday morning, so she can sip it in bed.

32 Years W- He loves to be touched…any touch,…forehead rubbed, arm tickled. He also loves that I laugh at his jokes and affirm him.

H- She loves it when I rub her feet, take walks with her, take her out to breakfast every Saturday morning and pay for her to have her nails done!

33 Years W- I bake him fresh desserts several times a week and watch his favorite sporting events with him. I clean up the trail he leaves of melted ice cream and coffee stains and grounds on the counter, giving thanks that he comes home each day and is here to make those messes. When his office was closer, I would sneak in and write secret notes on his calendar for the upcoming months, like… "Rush home tonight!” Now I try to send cards and emails on a regular basis. I also placed a treasure box on his desk and keep it filled with goodies.

H- She loves to have me rub her feet and back. I watch HGTV with her to make up for all the sporting events she sits through! Years ago, I agreed I would do the dishes after dinner. Lately, she has asked me to read to her from Charles Spurgeon’s Evening by Evening before we fall asleep.

34 Years W- I make homemade biscuits and text the word “tonight” to him!

H- From the wife. He can read my mind and does things before I have to ask. Puts away folded clothes, empty the dishwasher, etc. He also brags on me in front of others.

34 Years

This brought about a discussion for us. I watch football and old westerns with him and he is great about going to chick flicks and watching the Hallmark channel with me. Thinking back through all the years, we recalled that no matter how far apart we were logistically, and he traveled extensively for 20 years of our marriage, we always talked on the phone at the end of the day. When we think about sacrificial love we keep going to the cross and there is nothing to compare with that.

(This couple has been through years of illness and they are stuck together like glue.)

35 Years

W-When we plan vacations or romantic getaways, I record our favorite songs to play, while we are away. (Very romantic!)

H- I make her a spinach omelet (her favorite) for breakfast every Sunday morning.

35 Years

W-We work side by side in business. My husband says that no matter what is happening in our life I find positive and good in every situation and with every person and that helps him stay uplifted.

H- She hates grocery shopping so I do the grocery shopping and always bring her a bouquet of flowers home from the store.

37 Years

W-I do little chores for him to save him time (acts of service), plus watch his favorite TV shows and movies, even when I don't care for them (quality time) and of course prepare his favorite meal of hot Italian sausage and spaghetti.

H- I bring orange juice and hot coffee each morning to her while still in bed; served with kisses.

39 Years

W- I keep his office cookie tin filled with sweets he will like.

39 Years W- I call my husband in the middle of the week for a lunch date.

H- I bring her coffee in bed and say I love her.

44 Years W-I’ve been scratching his feet and legs as he watches TV in the evening for 44 years.

H- She appreciates my small gestures of love like emptying the dishwasher without being asked and she will never turn down a back rub.

49 Years

W-I always say “By the grace of God"--guess my best gift to my honey is constant prayer for him. In our wedding book my dear father wrote this…"The family that prays together and plays together, stays together." Isn't that a good truth!

H- I share in our church experiences and Bible studies together.

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Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4