Grief is a Monster and Made Me One

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Remember my post "I Needed to Hear That"  with this prayer by Stormie Omartian for a husband to pray for his wife?

"Lord, as much as I love my wife, I know You love her more.  I realize that I cannot meet her every need and expectation, but You can.  Help Boo to increase her knowledge of You today.  May she turn to You first for everything as You become her constant companion.  Give her discernment and revelation and enable her to hear Your voice instructing her to stay focused on You, no matter how great the storm is around her, so that she never strays off the path You have for her.  I pray You would keep me aware of when she needs a fresh filling of Your Spirit so that I will be prompted to pray for her.  In Jesus' name. "  John 4:14

Well, it came to mind and I called out to God for about 4 miles and then I picked up the phone and unloaded my sobs on my husband.  Living a life, trusting the Lord and turning to Him is a process for me. Here is how things fell apart.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Grief is a monster. 

I'd had the call from my friend about her mother being moved to palliative care.  I new my husband, her pastor, was on this way to the hospital, but with family home for the 4th I needed to get a grocery run out of the way.  A landscaping company working at our next door neighbor’s house kept blocking us in our driveway with 3 trucks. When I asked the lead guy a to let me out, he said, “I will see what I can do, we are close to finishing.”  They were unloading mulch into wheelbarrows.  I got out of my car and said, “I love Jesus, and you probably do too, but you will be respectful and say, "Yes, ma'am, sorry for the inconvenience and move the trucks now."

UGH, wasn't that lovely. Once they pulled out of the way enough for me to off road and get out, I burst into sobs.  Grief for my friend and her mother was overwhelming me.  The first thing I wanted to do was call my husband, but I remembered the prayer and cried out to God....for about 3 minutes.  Then I called the Landscaping company and begged them to apologize on my behalf to the young man managing the job. (Sobbing in the midst of that.)  I drove to the store, pulled in the parking lot and succumbed to temptation calling my poor husband and confessing my behavior.  Then sobbed once again.

I know I will never get it holy and right this side of heaven, but I want to.

The Song

“It’s Always Been You”  Phil Wickham

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58pBvQa0XSM&list=RD58pBvQa0XSM&start_radio=1

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